My Last Post

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Several years ago I was visiting with a group of friends and someone shared their “life verse.” I didn’t have a life verse, and, at the time, thought the idea was a little hokey. Nevertheless, I returned home and scoured the pages of Scripture for something to call my own. After a quick fan of the pages, and not much thought, I settled on John 3:30, “He must become greater, I must become less.”

Although my reasons for choosing it were not divine, (it was short, easy to memorize, and wasn’t controversial), I’ve nonetheless grown into the verse, or perhaps it into me.  In practical terms, this verse means that I should give God the glory for all that I am, and all that I have. Decisions I make should be made with God’s desires in mind, not my own.

In theory anyway. Because however well intentioned, however hard I try, making myself less and God more has proven to be a daunting task. My heart may beat with the potential of it, but my head is in constant battle with what it truly means to live this out on a daily basis.

Take serving others for example. If I’m completely honest, I don’t choose serving because I have a Mother Teresa-like devotion to God, but because I’m getting some sort of satisfaction from it. I know this to be true because when I’m presented with opportunities to serve that make me feel uncomfortable or unhappy, I find a way out of it. If it is easy, and convenient, and in my love language, no problem – but if not, well… more of me please.

Another marker of my me-nature is how unappreciated I sometimes feel. If I am dong something for God, it shouldn’t matter if I get a pat on the back, yet the absence of one can leave a lasting mark. If I’m truly serving to illuminate God, then His is the only thanks I need or should care about.

This is the great tension of my life. I really want to live up to this verse God has given me.  Truly, I want it more than ANYTHING. I want to want Jesus to be the most central, visible thing in my life without wanting or gaining any attention for it. I want to do this earthly life out of total, utter devotion to God  and I’ve come to the point in my life that I am willing to do anything, give up anything, to make that happen.

More of you Jesus, less of me.

God in his mercy has heard my cry and is uncovering several things that interfere with my heart’s desire. One of these is this blog. No matter how I turn it, spin it, or what colored glass I look at it through, I cannot see how having this blog makes God greater and me lesser.  At the end of the day, this blog says one thing: Look at me! Listen to me! Me! Me! Me!

If you are reading this, and you have a blog, I want you to know that there is not an ounce of judgment here. There isn’t anything inherently wrong with blogs or blogging – there are many that I enjoy, inspire me to be better, and teach me things – and I hope my blog has done that for others at one time or another.

But still.

All me.

Not less of me.

Not more of Him.

And so dear readers, it is time to bid you adieu, at least for now. Perhaps someday I will feel God calling me to return. Maybe he will give me a blogging job to do, or give me a peace about all the me-ness or lead me back online for some other reason, but for now, I feel at peace about saying The End.

Thanks for hanging in there with me, encouraging me, inspiring me, and listening to me.

God’s peace and grace and love to you.